Energy Drinks… Which is the best?

They keep us awake the night before deadlines, they perk us up the morning after the night before and over the years they’ve become available in all shapes and sizes. It started Red Bull, claiming to ‘give you wings’ then slowly others such as RockStar, Relentless and Monster came to the party offering alternative slogans, different artwork but essentially, a similar product. With such an array of caffeine filled, canned adrenalin, how do you decide which to buy?

As an eager energy drink consumer, a narcissistic blogger and a person who frequently finds time ont heir hands, I took it upon myself to spend a night trying a debating with myself which energy drink really is the best. A few opinions were sent my way via Twitter and Facebook I decided an in dept test of the readily available energy drinks was called for.

With such an extended line up, I decided against spending days tracking down the most obscure of products and trying to decipher the difference between the many brands, flavours and origins. Instead I declared the task of whittling down the shortlist to my local shop. Whatever they stocked, I would buy and include in this dissection of whats on offer within the UK market today.

So, which made the cut?

Firstly, quite rightly the most popular of energy drinks, a ‘Hoover’s equivalent of canned caffeine. Red Bull. Available in original and sugarfree, usually served up in a 250ml can. Cola drink available in a 335ml can and a 59ml energy shot for those who don’t want to spend most of the afternoon taking a glow in the dark piss.

Secondly, Coca Colas offering of chemical fuel, Relentless. Created in 2006, and boasting a more aggressive artwork and demeanour, it’s slogan ‘No Half Measures’ not only refers to the double sized can compared to Red Bull, at 500ml, but also the vigorous extreme energy Relentless claims to offer. Not unlike Red Bull, Relentless offers itself in several varieties, mostly alternative flavours including ‘Inferno’, ‘Juiced’ and ‘Juiced Berry’ as well as an energy shot, which surprisingly is slightly smaller than the Red Bull version at 50ml.

Lastly, the new comer to the band, ‘Pussy’. With a more humble birth than the previous two, Pussy was originally created in a bedroom by it’s creator, Jonnie Shearer in 2004. Since then it’s natural ingredient thesis and shocking name has brought it from first being on the shelves of London night clubs to shops all around the UK. It currently has no spouses when it comes to alternate flavours or strengths, but with it being the youngest of the three, I won’t be deducing too many marks.

Taste –

Red Bull being the mother of all energy drinks didn’t have to worry too much about competition. It’s claim to ‘give you wings’ was the selling point, not the refreshing taste that comes with every can. Unfortunately, being original may give you reputation, but it doesn’t give the edge on improvement. It has a sharp chemical taste that lingers in your mouth about as long as the buzz will, and it’s bitter edge makes for what should be a repulsive drink. Yet Red Bull still reigns as the official daddy of energy drinks. The combination of Red Bull and Vodka has become one of the most popular cheap fixes for students and eager club-goers looking for a drink that will give them the balance between falling over drunk, and wide-eyed raver dancing until your feet bleed. Despite it’s seemingly off taste, cheaper alternatives are disregarded and considered poor knock-offs. It seems Red Bulls branding and publicity has surpassed it’s lack of admirable flavour.

Relentless, offering a larger can, had to improve the drinkability, especially with it’s more recreational branding, endorsing extreme sports competitions and music festival stages. Although this test has concentrated entirely on original flavours, Relentless has a much more juicy and natural taste, ridding itself of the majority of the chemical aroma, yet not entirely. It still has the familiar bitter aftertaste you get from Red Bull yet, again, a more diluted and palatable concentration. The ‘Inferno’, ‘Juicy’ and ‘Juicy Berry’ alternatives obviously contain more juice, without loosing any of the caffeine content, but in my opinion goes a little too far with the flavour, attempting to merely cover the inevitable aftertaste instead of ridding itself of it. All in all, Relentless does taste better than Red Bull, offers a more economical can but still doesn’t cut it as a recreational drink.

At first I was eager to taste ‘Pussy’ (in your endo?) but decided to save it till last in this test, to ensure I had a fair opinion on this supposedly 100% natural drink. After my somewhat negative opinions of the previous two, my hopes weren’t high for ‘Pussy’, but as soon as the can hissed at me when I opened it, my nose told me the 100% natural ingredients had resulted in a complete liberation from the manufactured potency the previous two had so boldly offered. Made mostly from Guarana (yup, that’s a real fruit) Pussy offers a fruity, yet unfamiliar taste that although hints towards being a member of the energy drink family, seems to have a loose disguise that could hold itself more in the territory of other carbonated fruit drinks such as Coca Cola and Dr Pepper.

Kick –

There’s little point an energy drink tasting like sweet fruit juice if it has about as much kick as a dead mule, so the second part of this test comes from the small print on the back of the tin. The mathematics that the people who tell you these drinks are bad for you will quote in a negative humour while happily drinking their Lucozade Sport.

	Red Bull /100ml	Relentless /100ml	Pussy /100ml
Energy	192kJ (45kcal)	194kJ (46kcal)	187.6kJ (44.8kcal)
Caffeine	32mg	32mg	32mg
Carbohydrates	11g	10.4g	10.9g
– of which sugars	11g	10.4g	Not specified

So although Pussy may go down easier, it seems it contains less energy than it’s rivals, and with Relentless offering 194kJ per 100ml and coming in a 500ml can, it brings 970kJ energy compared to Red Bulls 480kJ. 32Mg of Caffeine seems to be the boundary that none of our contestants cross, but with instant coffee offering around 55-85mg of caffeine per 100ml it seems caffeine content isn’t the reason behind the pupil widening buzz given form these three energy drinks.
I’d like to comment on which of the three offered the more prominent kick, but after drinking all three in one night of testing it’s hard to decipher which of the three made me sit up till almost 5am playing call of duty and unknowingly bounce slightly for god knowns how long.

Price –

Prices are based on the cheapest available online supplier after a mediocre Google search, the kind of effort you would put into skimming pennies off a few cans of energy drink that you couldn’t even be bothered to walk to the shops and pick up a can in person.

Red Bull (250ml) – £1.10 (44p /100ml)
Relentless (500ml) – £1.15 (23p /100ml)
Pussy Energy Drink (250ml) – £1.35 (54p /ml)

Relentless racks up yet another point in this test by being the most economical of the three, and at 23p per 100ml and having more energy than the rest it seems you’re best spending your shrapnel on a can of Relentless to keep you upright over the next few hours, rather than the more popular Red Bull.

Breakdown –

The overall winner from this test is Relentless, although as a personal choice, out of the three, I’d rather drink Pussy (get’s old pretty quick doesn’t it?) I’m more of a recreational energy drink consumer, so the lack of energy and sweeter taste is more attractive than the larger can of Relentless that gives the desired effect that other energy drinkers may require.
My only drawbacks are, firstly the restricted, although growing, availability and secondly the attempted ice breaking name that, although at first does draw attention and humour, gets old pretty quickly. There’s only so many jokes that can be made about it’s name and it holds the same humour as a gimmick tattoo, at first seeming like a great idea and holding no drawbacks but rapidly growing tedious and un-funny.
Although I’d like to go a bit more in-depth into my opinions of these three energy drinks, I have drank them all and frankly… I need to piss more than I have ever needed to in my entire life….

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