Like most of you reading this, I watch a lot of TV on the internet. Sites like BBC iPlayer and 4oD have made it very easy to catch up on your favorite programmes, or even discover new shows that you would never have seen. Their range of content and parental guidance filters ensure their sites offer entertainment for the whole family… or does it?
Today I opened up the BBC iPlayer page and used the categories page to hopefully find something interesting. I’m quite a big movie buff, so BBC offering me a small selection of movies that change every month is possibly my favorite feature of this site. What I wasn’t expecting was this….
What? You can’t see it? Look at the ‘Films’ section….
Yup, it says ‘Big Stick Trannies’. Don’t worry, the BBC haven’t gone mad, if you open up that category there is no ‘Big Stick Trannies’ movie there to see, they seem to have just been hacked and had the preview image changed.
My first thought was ‘Lol….that’s kinda funny…’ but then my hilariously comedic mind started to tick. “They’re gonna get a lot of complaints about that… I’d love to read some of the complaints, people who complain are generally idiots… What if some of these stupid complaints are supposed to be stupid complaints… What if I sent in a few complaints! Yea… that’s a productive way to spend my day!”
So I spent a few minutes digging around the BBC website looking for a complaints email address, which was pretty hard to find. They try to deter you from complaining at every possible opportunity so I have no idea how thousands of people can find the time to go through all this just to complain about a slipped swear word during a live feed, or more frequently, something they didn’t even see themselves.
My first complaint was an obvious one. I was a ‘concerned mother with two young boys’ The typical middle class mother who probably didn’t work, wore cardigans and wouldn’t watch Loose Women cause it was too ‘blue’.
Dear BBC,
I am a mother of two young boys who love watching your programmes. I recently introduced them to BBC iPlayer in hopes it would deter them from using the age old excuse of ‘wait until the adverts’ to begin their homework. For several weeks you have done me proud. The boys got all their homework done, and as a result were allowed an hour or so each, to watch any programme BBC iPlayer had to offer.This was, however, until they came home from school today. Marcus, the youngest, was first to finish his homework, so I gave him my husbands laptop as he gleefully told me he was going to watch his favourite, John Bishop’s Britain. He told me it was about a man from Liverpool talking about Britain, to which I felt happy in hopes he would learn more about our gracious Kingdom.
After watching his programme, Marcus came to me with several questions about a programme a out trains that he’d seen. As I was busy at the time, I sent him to his father Adam. Marcus then came back several minutes later telling that his father had taken the laptop away from him and that his brother Thomas couldn’t watch his BBC programmes because his father had locked the door and wouldn’t come out.
I assume Adam was busy working, so I let my eldest son Thomas use my computer. He opened up iPlayer and began to browse through the categories with his brother Marcus. Thomas then turned to me and asked what ‘trannies’ where. To my horror your categories section showed a picture of a disgusting movie called ‘Big Stick Trannies’! I was sickened that you thought people of the British public would appreciate a film of this horrible and vile nature.
Nobody in my family will continue to use BBC iPlayer, nor the internet. I thought despite the rest of the internet, BBC iPlayer was a safe place from the sickening un-christian material, but I was wrong.
Yours regretfully,
Mrs Natalie Davidson
Manchester, UK
Don’t ask me why I got so into the story and really got into this character. Maybe I’m a natural actor like Matt Damon or Wesley Snipes. However, it did give me an opportunity to add another dimension to my complaint.
Dear BBC,
I was surfing on your BBC iPlayer, and saw a film advertised called ‘Big Stick Trannies’ in the categories section under Films. When I went onto this category, I couldn’t find ‘Big Stick Trannies’ anywhere. I spent several hours searching around the site, in hopes to find this film but to no avail. I just thought you should know that if you do indeed host ‘Big Stick Trannies’ on your site, it is not very accessible which in my eyes, isn’t very good.Could you please make ‘Big Stick Trannies’ easier to find, so that I can see it.
ThanksAdam Davidson
From Manchester
If you hadn’t noticed, I signed this complaint Adam Davidson, who is actually my concerned mother’s mythical husband. A nice little poke of fun at suburban closeted sexuality. They always look a bit shifty those middle aged balding men in ties don’t they. Now you know why…
I toyed with the idea of Marcus (the youngest son) sending an email asking about the programme he wanted to see about trains, but figured I couldn’t bring myself to attempt to type like a confused 5-10 year old. So instead, I decided to adopt the identity of Eddy Schlong..
Dear BBC iPlayer,
My name is Eddy Schlong and I’m the founder, and owner of Vivid Porn Industries. I produce many movies such as ‘Cum Guzzling Whores’ and ’2 Girls, 10 Dicks’. One of my highest selling movies however, is ‘Big Stick Trannies’.It retails at about $20, and has to this day sold over 60,000 copies. I was tipped off by a friend in the United Kingdom that your iPlayer was showing ‘Big Stick Trainnies’ for free? I am very unhappy about this as nobody in my company has authorised this. I have contacted my lawyer and unless removed immediately, I will sue your company so hard you’re grandkids will have debt!
Yours angrily
Eddy Schlong
Vivd Porn Industries
I don’t think I’d ever get the chance again to threaten the BBC with a lawsuit and not think in the back of my mind “shit.. that was a bad idea” so I had to take this opportunity.
I’m sure these complaints will go unanswered, but I hope the BBC get their work experience media students to type apologetic emails to all who complained and maybe even Eddy Schlong will get an explanation as to why his movie was previewed on the BBC iPlayer site..
If I do get any replies, I’ll more than likely blog them, so add me on Twitter to keep up to date on my blogs; @J_Clique
[ EDIT : The BBC iPlayer site has now been rectified and no longer shows 'Big Stick Trannies' on their categories. ]
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